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REPUBLICANS, HERE ARE 102 THINGS NOT TO DO IF YOU HATE TAXES!   WHAT DEBT LIMIT? "The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned." U.S Constitution, 14th Amendment, Section 4. Someday you should read that Constitution you say you love so much, Little Miss Tea Party. FOCUSING "LIKE A LASER ON JOBS," REPUBLICANS INTRODUCE ANTI-ABORTION BILL How many jobs this will create is still uncertain. The Daily Show: Crises in Dairyland WHAT THE HECK HAS OBAMA EVER DONE FOR ME? Well, so far, this. PRAYER IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
If only Jesus had an opinion on this subject it would end all debate. Oh, yeah, he did! Here's what he had to say on the subject. THE LIBERALS ARE TURNING US INTO FRANCE! No, we don't want no stinkin', on-time, high speed trains taking us between New York and Chicago ten times a day. We don't want no stinkin' cradle to grave health care, we don't want government to send paid nannies to help new mothers around the house, we don't want no stinkin' free higher education for everyone. We don't want to live in a place that values auto mechanics as much as they do lawyers, we don't want to live in a place with a divorce rate that is half of ours and where the food is ten times better and healthier. No, we don't want to be France. That would be horrible. BORDER SECURITY Those Mexicans are taking over the southwest. They act like they own it. Oh, that's right, they used to. Until there was a big democratic vote in Mexico to give southern California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas to the U.S. Did I say vote? Whoops! I meant when we just sent an army down there and took it. So they could learn about Democracy. TALK RADIO There's a reason they don't call it "think radio." SOCIALIZED MEDICINE Let's see, we can socialize war and socialize schools (I don't have kids,but I pay school taxes), we can socialize road building, we can socialize farming (how much did you get last year not to grow corn?), we can socialize football stadiums, we can socialize flood insurance (for all those poor people living in seven-bedroom beach houses), we can socialize bank and auto bailouts, we can socialize retirement, we can socialize airport expansion and access roads, we can socialize space stations, we can socialize downtown parking gargages, we can socialize oil drilling, we can socialize prisons but we can't socialize medicine. Because that would make us Socialists.  FETUS WORSHIP If only conservatives felt such passion about children and adults as they do about "the unborn." The born? Who the fuck needs them? Especially if they are poor and/or non-white. Why don't those damn babies get jobs and pull themselves up by their bootstraps? The way my great-great white granddaddy did? With the help of hundreds of slaves. THE GOVERNMENT NEVER CREATED A JOB Then who's paying all those people who work at the Pentagon? At the Post Office? Down at the school your children attend for free? Who is fixing the pot holes and building roads and bridges? Who built the airport in your town, where did the money come from? Why do mayors scream when the military tries to close a base in their town? Who is Boeing building all those planes for? The fact is, the Federal government is the biggest employer in the country. Saying the government never created a job over and over and over again doesn't make it true. It just makes it a bigger lie. Especially if it comes out of the mouth of a Member of Congress who is a person with one of the eleven million, much-coveted government jobs.  THE FRENCH RUN FROM BATTLES That Napoleon. What a chicken. Not brave like draft-dodging Newt, Rush and Bill O'. "CRITICS SAY..." That's what lazy reporters say when they mean, "Republicans say..." BONUS Noun. Financial reward for doing a spectacularly bad job. Sample usage, "Those guys at AIG really deserve a big bonus this year!" THE FOUNDING FATHERS WERE CONSERVATIVES The truth is that the Founding Fathers were Liberals -- the Conservatives, known then as Tories, wanted to stay British. After the Revolution many of them repatriated to England, like their good buddy, Benedict Arnold. HOW CANADA GOT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE
EVOLUTION IS JUST A THEORY So is Creationism. The difference is that one theory has a fossil record, a DNA record and stacks of physical evidence; the other has a 2,000 year-old book written by poets and shamans that is full of myths, legends, contradictions and easily disprovable statements. The large majority of Christian denominations, including Catholics and Anglicans believe that evolution is part of God's plan and does not conflict in any way with their faith. Why the press lets the Fundamentalists set the agenda is anyone's guess. LET'S GET BACK TO THE CONSTITUTION'S "ORIGINAL INTENT" Want to get back to the original intent of slavery? The original intent of not letting women and blacks vote? The original intent of letting state legislatures appoint U.S. Senators instead of voting for them? Good luck with that. LOWERING TAXES ON BILLIONAIRES WILL CREATE JOBS The bill in question will cancel the tax break billionaires already get when it expires. So, right now, billionaires are paying the lowered taxes. If it's not creating any jobs now, why would it create jobs in the future? PAYING PEOPLE NOT TO WORK Unemployment benefits are insurance paid by employers for their employees. People who didn't want to work can't get these benefits. The real Paying People Not to Work program is the Republican plan to keep rich kids who never worked a day in their lives from having to pay taxes on their parent's estates. God forbid these "patriots" should pay taxes to the country that gave them so much for doing so little. THE TEABAGGER VOTE PLUS THE REPUBLICAN VOTE EQUAL DEFEAT FOR DEMOCRATS Excuse me, lazy over-paid pundits, but Teabaggers are Republicans. None of them voted Democratic or Progressive before, so there is no net change in the number of right wing voters. Better yet, they will split the Republican vote in some contests. Don't bash the Tea Party. They are doing God's work for us. THE REPUBLICAN PLAN TO GET AMERICA BACK TO WORK Ban gay marriages, deport cheap farm laborers, teach Creationism, post the Ten Commandments in schools and courthouses and give the rich even more tax breaks. If that doesn't create jobs, what will? DEATH TAX You mean Inheritance Tax, don't you? And exactly what did you do to earn it? You win money on a game show, guess what? It's taxed. You win the game of life, why shouldn't it be taxed? "Because Mummy and Paw Paw already paid income taxes on it," you say? They did? On that house they bought in 1966 for $50,000 and you can't wait to sell for $3.5 million? "But those poor farmers, they'll lose their farms." Fine, let's pass a law that family farmers don't have to pay inheritance taxes -- if their main job is farming and they live on the family farm. Isn't it funny that 1700 farm subsidy checks went to Manhattan addresses last year? The family CEO and the family hedge fund manager should be thankful they live in a country that lets them make so much money. They should thank that country by paying their fair share. HEALTH AND LEGACY BENEFITS ADD $1700 TO EACH DETROIT-MADE CAR It's not true but how come the press never asks these questions: How much does executive pay and perks add to each car? How much does the cost of Big Three's lobbyists add to each car? How much does the cost campaign donations add to each car? UNIONS ARE THE REASON DETROIT WAS IN THE TOILET Who decided to build fleets of crappy cars? The union workers or the CEOs? Who decided to produce 17 million cars a year when they only sell 14 million a year? The union workers or the CEOs? Overpaid, underperforming CEOs and their board room chums killed Detroit. FOREIGN AUTO MAKERS DON'T PAY HEALTH CARE A complete lie. They pay it in the form of taxes which in turn pays for the national health care most industrialized countries enjoy. For their taxes they get health care, college tuition and great mass transit. We get a war in Iraq. Besides, when was the last time the Big Three auto makers paid any Federal taxes? Yet the UAW union members pay their taxes. YOU DECIDE The Earth is Flat vs the Earth is Round. They are opposite opinions, but they are not equal opinions. Equal time does not equal fairness. Facts are fair. To pretend a fact-free opinion deserves "equal time" is to give it undeserved credibility which is, oh yeah, unfair. TAX REFORM The first reform is to call it "Tax Fairness." What we need is tax fairness. As Warren Buffet says, it's insane that his secretary has to pay a higher tax rate than he does. It'd be nice if the people who made their fortunes in America paid their country back instead of trying to cheat it out of a few dollars more. CRIPPLING CORPORATE TAXES If only American corporations bothered to pay them. How much did Ford, GM, GE, The New York Times and Time Inc. pay in taxes last year? Oh, yeah, zero. It seems high taxes aren't the problem at all. It's idiot CEOs and their over-compensated boards. The tax rate could be a thousand percent and it wouldn't make a difference if you don't pay it. This is a bogus Republican talking point. GAY RIGHTS Should gays, women and minorities pay lower taxes for having fewer rights than straight, white men? |
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